85. Dithering

October 14, 2013October 20, 2014 / Apple Hill Cottage / 15 Comments

We spend a lot of time dithering…

siding boards

Trying to figure out every angle before we start, so we won’t be surprised.

It never works, and we just end up with a work stoppage.

Yesterday, after a morning of spectacular dithering, I wondered to myself why we don’t discuss these problems on the way back and forth from house to house. We’ve got plenty of time; the drive is at least an hour, and that’s if all the cars and drivers are behaving. (And the cat; when the cat misbehaves we end up with a conversation stoppage…).

But then I realized that we don’t discuss these problems because they are Unforeseen. Unexpected. Unknowns.

While we were dithering
about the project
before we started,
we never thought THAT
would happen,
even though
we thought
that we had thought
of Everything
causes dithering again.

Painting of Apple Hill Cottage, ca.1973

When the cottage first became ours, it was rather like a new romance. Oh, we wandered around thinking of possibilities — how grand it would be if we could put in hardwood floors here; and maybe we could raise the roof there; and perhaps if we enclosed this part of the back porch it would make a lovely guest bedroom…
The basic plan was to bring the cottage back to the way it looked originally (as close as we could get it, at least…) That wasn’t dithering; it was dreaming, and wondering, and expanding possibilities.

But the honeymoon is over now because we have spent almost every spare moment working on this cottage. Nothing can surprise us now, and some of the charm has been lost in the reality of sweat, blood, finances, time, ~~arguments~~ discussions, and just plain exhaustion. It’s an old house; suddenly we have to move to plan B because the furnace blew up. Or suddenly we have to leave Plan A to fix the roof because it is leaking. Or suddenly we have to change Plan A because the new siding isn’t quite the same as the old siding… Can we just be done already and get on with life?

No? Then, let’s at least stop dithering and get on with the plan. (Uh, was that Plan A or Plan B?)

The troubles come when glitches occur in the actual plan. Sort of like life? Glitches abound. And are we going to dither; or are we ready to accept the problem, embrace the setback, and make the delay part of the plan?
peeling paint
And here is where Jesus can help. If we are trying to live life according to His plan, well then, it’s His plan — it’s not our plan. We just like to think it’s our plan and that we are in charge. And when we get too uppity about it, God will remind us. Most of the time He reminds us gently, and that’s when we are to say, “Oh, yes. God, it is yours, not mine. Forgive me for trying to take over.”

Lawn chairs in fall

Sometimes it’s a big thing; sometimes we just see through the glass darkly and we fight and kick and struggle for weeks, months, years… until the glass clears and we finally get it — the fight belongs to Him, not us. He made us and we are his. We are his people, the sheep of his pasture. (Psalm 100:3)

We dither because we are sheep. I know, it’s not a pleasant comparison, but there it is. Picture sheep running around the gated pasture bleating in confusion. Going nowhere and running in those circles cause befuddlement, bewilderment, agitation, and demoralization. Don’t ask me how I know this… (Read Luke 15 to be reminded. I need to be reminded of this often…)

But we have a good shepherd to lead us — one who never gives up on us no matter how far we wander;

mist in the hills

one who loves each one of us not because we are good, bad, black, or white, but simply because we are his;

one who constantly cares for us if we would just allow it.
the heavens

Note to self: Dithering is believing that your own plans might be better than God’s amazing plans! Embrace the delays and know that you are being taught something important.

Note to God: “Yes, God, it is truly yours, not mine. Forgive me for trying to take over.”

Amen.

75. Listen, your stuff is talking

July 24, 2013October 20, 2014 / Apple Hill Cottage / 2 Comments

This is part 7 of several posts discussing Richard Foster‘s chapter on Simplicity in Celebration of Discipline.

This past week a group from our church spent four days in Manasquan, Mantoloking, and Lavalette, three towns on the Jersey Shore that were affected by Hurricane Sandy. Celebration of Discipline by Richard J. Foster On Saturday evening we went to the coffee-house type worship at the church. The speaker was Jen, part of the praise team, who spoke passionately on the Simplicity chapter in Richard Foster’s book Celebration of Discipline. I don’t believe in coincidences. I believe that our Maker puts things in our lives for us to learn and be amazed by them. So, I was amazed. Two other women in our group had also participated in the Celebration of Discipline book study this spring. We all looked at each other and smiled. Yes, this talk was for us.

One by one, she spoke about the practical guidelines Foster puts forth, which, if we follow them, will lead us to a life of honest simplicity. The key words here are If we follow them…

Foster’s eighth guideline for practical simplicity is this: Obey Jesus’ instructions about plain, honest speech.

Jen read this one, looked at the audience and said humorously, “I’ve got this one nailed.”

I laughed along with the audience. Not because I had this one nailed, but because I know how she felt to finally come upon one of Foster’s instructions that allows you to think, “Yes! Got it!”

So what are Jesus’ instructions about plain, honest speech?

Let your yes be yes

In Matthew 5:33-37 he says : “And don’t say anything you don’t mean…Just say yes and no. When you manipulate words to get your own way, you go wrong.” (paraphrased in The Message by Eugene Peterson.) That is — No excuses, no whining, no explaining, no fancy talk, no elaboration, no maybes, no swearing… Yes, I’ll be glad to. No, I’m sorry, I can’t.

In past posts “stuff” has dealt mostly with physical stuff, perhaps because that is usually what we think of when the ubiquitous word stuff rolls off our tongue or across our keyboard. But today, let’s think of stuff as the baggage we carry around every day, those black garbage bags that color our thoughts and our speech. Bitterness, anger, jealousy, envy — all those ugly words weigh us down and come out in our talk.

eat your words

It used to be called Diarrhea of the Mouth; now it’s called TMI. It is very difficult to claim Not Guilty on this one. Ever just want to fill the silence with talking and then realize that you are saying nothing of importance? Ever interrupt someone just to get in your two cents? Ever say something and then think, Why did I say that? Ever say, Well, don’t tell anyone this, but… Ever talk just to feel important? Ever speak of someone unkindly?

Yes, to all the above. It’s not pretty to admit.
if you can't be kind

We’ve all been in conversations when suddenly the talk takes a turn for the worse. Words spill out, awkwardness ensues, someone leans down to tie a shoe… Perhaps you were the listener? Perhaps you were the talker?

We’ve also all been in conversations when the other person stops listening. Their eyes glaze over, body language changes, they lean down to tie a shoe… And we are likely to think them rude, when we should be wondering if it could be our talk.

Listening is an art, yes, but so is speaking. And maybe we should all just shut up? My Mom always used to say,

“If you can’t say something nice, don’t say anything.”

I used to hate it when she said that. Behind her back, I would mouth the words and roll my eyes. But today, I’m here to say, You were right, Mom. (Are you listening?)

Those words that spill out from our stuff? They can only get us in trouble. With our friends, with our families, with our spouses, with our bosses, with Jesus. So, Zip your lips, Think before you speak, Put a sock in it, Bite your tongue, Pray for patience, Leave the room. Whatever you have to do to keep your speech honest and upright and pleasing, just do it. For the person you’re with, and for Jesus. Don't let your words be swords

Do I have this one nailed? No, but I’m trying. And when I can’t do it myself, I can call on the one who was nailed to the cross for me.

61. A Short Treatise on the Accumulation of Material Goods; or, Too Much Stuff

April 21, 2013July 9, 2014 / Apple Hill Cottage / 6 Comments

I have stuff. My husband has stuff. We have stuff. Too Much Stuff.

Mr. H.C. takes exception to this photo. He says to tell you all, dear readers, that this is the junk room at the cottage that we have not yet worked on. It’s where we put everything that isn’t being needed at the moment. Just until last week the kitchen cabinets were all in here too. It is NOT our bedroom…

Have you heard that song? The lyrics stick in my brain these days and I hum it often –even sing out sometimes — when no one is listening! Delbert McClinton, John Prine, and Lyle Lovett sing “It’ll weigh you down, foolin’ with too much stuff.” You can listen to it here in this you tube video.

When we move to Apple Hill Cottage in the sometime future, we are downsizing from a house with 6 rooms, 2 baths, 2 porches, a large 3-room basement, and a garage. It’s not a big house, believe me, but the cottage has 4 rooms, one bath, and a smallish 2-room basement. The gazebo (See post 13. A Lotta Big Trees ) could be used as a garage, and there’s also a huge back wrap-around porch, but NO extra stuff is going to be stored there! There’s also sort of a workshop/tractor storage space for Mr. H.C., but he doesn’t think it’s big enough. No. It isn’t big enough because he has LOTS of TOOLS. Did I say downsizing already?

How many pairs of shoes does one need? How many sweaters? How many antique dressers? How many sets of dishes? How many rooms per person? Of course, the more sweaters one has, the more antique dressers one needs… And the more antique dressers one has, the more rooms per person one needs. Etc. (I must confess that here I was going to take a picture of either all my shoes, or all my sweaters, but honestly? It was too much work to get them all in one place. And then I would have to put them all away…)

Did I mention I happen to like my antique dressers? And I like my sweaters too… But, as usual, I am a bundle of contradictions. I love simplicity. I WANT my life to be simple. I have only owned one bumper sticker in my life and it said, “The Best Things in Life Are Not Things.” I don’t go to malls; I try not to shop; yet I acquire stuff I don’t want anyway. How does this happen?

The chorus in that song above is also worth repeating: “Well you can pile it high, but you’ll never be satisfied…” Right! There’s always the perfect something waiting around the corner — and if you don’t know that you need it, someone will surely convince you that you do…

Just the other day in the Wall Street Journal was an article about people acquiring material goods and then regretting it — “A Closet Filled with Regrets.” One could be an emotional shopper, a sales shopper, a wishful thinking shopper… but nowhere in the article did it suggest we should actually cut down on shopping. But then, it was the Wall Street Journal! There was one statistic, though, that should give us all pause — we wear 20% of the clothing we own.

Voluntary simplicity is a catch phrase these days, but I’m wondering if it will actually catch on. Our American society is just too materialism-driven; what would actually happen to the economy if we stopped buying stuff. I’m no economist (Economics was the only class I ever failed in my whole life…) but just thinking about it makes me shiver. Our economy encourages us to buy, to have — to buy and to have more and more. What if we just said — Enough. Stuff.

Celebration of Discipline by Richard J. Foster Our book group is reading and discussing Celebration of Discipline by Richard J. Foster. The chapter on Simplicity is jumbling around in my head, and combined with downsizing, (or thinking about downsizing…) yet also having to spend money to buy stuff for the kitchen we’re redoing? I am struggling with this! Guilty! Too Much Stuff. Not only me. Not only my husband. All of U.S. I know people who have so much stuff in their garage the car has to be parked on the street (not us — we’re good with this one!) I know people who have so much stuff that one whole bedroom upstairs always has the door shut (umm…I’m working on it!) I know people whose basement has so much stuff in it that no one is allowed in the basement but them (umm…working on that one too!) I know people whose dining room table is so filled with junk that they never eat there. This is especially prevalent around tax time. (Currently we’re good with this one, but we do have two tables to choose from, just in case!) Are you guilty yet?

So at our house we are both guilty, which makes it doubly hard. Whose stuff should get thrown out, given away, discarded, repurposed, recycled, or garage saled? In the last week we have both made great strides–I have given two giant boxes of craft materials to our grandkids, and Mr. H.C. has donated his antique car (inherited from Uncle Charlie) to Make a Wish Foundation. But this is nothing compared to what we need to do. I’m thinking of having blog give-aways… Who would like a 76 piece set of Noritake China that Michael’s Uncle Kenny brought back from Japan? Oh wait, am I allowed to give away my husband’s stuff?

If you’ve read this far, you must feel the same as I do. I bought Real Simple magazine once, but how simple is it to have stacks of magazines around telling you how to live simply? Just last month I recycled 4 years of Cooking Light, finally realizing that No, I’m not ever going to go through them, cut out the recipes, and store them in a binder…

Celebrate simplicity

All sorts of people can get on this simplicity bandwagon: People who want to live in an ecologically friendlier way; Baby boomers or retirees who suddenly realize they have collected a lifetime of stuff and don’t want/need it anymore; People who want to downsize for any reason; and, Christians who want to take Jesus seriously when he speaks of trusting God to provide or sharing our wealth. So yes, I admit — I am in all four of those categories!

Richard Foster comes down hard on western culture. No, actually, he is Relentless. His words would make anyone squirm, and the thing is, many of his words are directly from the Bible. In fact, he says,

“the majority of Christians have never seriously wrestled with the problem of simplicity, conveniently ignoring Jesus’ many words on the subject. The reason is simple: this Discipline directly challenges our vested interests in an affluent life-style.”

So thinking that I need reminders, Mr. H. C. needs reminders, and probably all of you need reminders, here are some reminders from the chapter on simplicity that are worth repeating, remembering, and responding to.

If we believe that all our stuff is from God and not of our own making or desiring, then we can share it more easily. Open hands are the outward evidence of an inner trust that God will provide us with what we need. Jesus promises us this in Matthew when he tells us to not be anxious and not to worry. That the birds of the air are clothed and fed, and aren’t we as loved by God as those little birds? (Matthew 6:19-34 ). Indeed, Foster says, “If what we have we receive as a gift, and if what we have is to be cared for by God, and if what we have is available to others, then we will possess freedom from anxiety…[and] freedom from anxiety is one of the inward evidences of seeking first the kingdom of God. The inward reality of simplicity involves a life of joyful unconcern for possessions.

Most of us could get rid of half of our possessions without a struggle. Remember that 80% of our clothing that just hangs in our closets? So I don’t know about your stuff, but my stuff has to be moved, dusted, stored, and then moved again. What freedom it would be to not have so much — so right now I am starting — I am refusing to be a slave to stuff!

So how do we go about simplifying? Stay tuned. Mr. Foster gives us ten different practical ideas on how to go about simplifying our lives, and we will study them in the next post. :-) In the meantime you can check out these sites for a variety of takes on living simply: